Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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