We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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