i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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