absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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