you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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