Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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