Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
