Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
