Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
