Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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