The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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