i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize