I could make wine with my vomit
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
