Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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