I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
