Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
