so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
