I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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