you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
