I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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