I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
