Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
