Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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