it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i now understand why vodka
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
