matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
