Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
