Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
