this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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