That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
