New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
