For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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