This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
