is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
