Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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