Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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