he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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