marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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