i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize