When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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