its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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