My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
