I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize