I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
