I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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