walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
