i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I just put wine in my tea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
