I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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