Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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