dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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