I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
