I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
