The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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