Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
