Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have aggressive nipples.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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