There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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