best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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