yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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