Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.