I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
