when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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