When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize