So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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