it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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